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September 24, 2014
What to do when child of divorce doesn't want to go to the other parent's house


I found this on the UK Daily mail site.   It made me start thinking.  If there were one question I get asked over and over, it is about what to do if your child doesn't want to go over to the other divorced parent's house.  Sometimes a separated child doesn't want to visit.  Sometimes they refuse to visit.  The reason this note made me think about it is because kids are just so open and honest, that is if you let them be.  Sometimes they will talk, others they might write it out like this child did, but they really do want you to know that they know a lot about what is going on. If there is some reason to really be concerned that there might be danger, then of course it is time to call in some professional help.  I'm not addressing those kinds of situations. But usually there is something much smaller behind it.  There are a few things I would recommend.

1) Talk to your kids.  If you can't just directly ask them why they don't want to go, or they refuse to answer, use a tool like "We're Having A Tuesday" where there are pages to talk about what they like and miss about both parents.  If you can get them to remembering the things they like about going to the other house you might be able to get them to let go and decide to go.

2)Ask them if they might be willing to go over just for a short period of time.  Maybe that is just one hour, or one day of the entire weekend.  Often times getting them to go over for a short time will cause whatever the issue was to be forgotten about once they get there.

3)Talk to them as best as you can about why they don't want to go.  It often has nothing to do with the other parent.  It might have to do with missing an activity with friends, or a favorite program, or an event.  Then maybe you can figure out how to work around that kind of situation, or maybe decide that this is a fluke and not a big deal.  You may want to consider letting them stay that one time if it works for you.

4)If they don't want to go over, you may be able to talk with your ex and see if he or she would be willing to come spend some time with your child at your house.  We all have days and times where we just don't feel like going out.  Maybe it has nothing to do with not seeing their other parent, maybe it just has to do with wanting to be in some familiar surroundings.

5)If you can manage, maybe it would be a good time to spend some "family" time together.  Maybe you all go out for pizza or to the park or something.  This sends a message to your child that their other parent is ok to spend time with, and it sends a message to your ex that though there seems to be an issue, that you are trying to work with them.  There is nothing worse than having an ex that is certain you are trying to sabotage a relationship.

If none of these things work, just try to keep working through it without making your ex spouse into a bad person.  It isn't easy to cope with a shared custody situation, especially for the  kids.  If it goes on for very long, it may be time for some professional help to see why your child is struggling.

September 18, 2014
10 great books for kids coping with divorce


When I first got divorced my kids were just one and three years old.  They had a lot of trouble coping.  I went looking for some kind of book that would help them.  I couldn't find a thing.  So I did what any normal (ha!) mom would do, I wrote my own.  "We're Having a Tuesday" has become a well sought after book for families coping with the subject. (Even the State of Nebraska includes it on their list of resources for divorcing parents!) Of course since then there are quite a few to choose from.  I came across this list today (Thank you to Mari Hernandez-Tuten at babble.com for sharing) and I really thought it was worth sharing.  It doesn't list mine, but it doesn't matter.  I think it has a nice list of books to choose from, some of them even chapter books for older kids. I really think it is worth your time to look these over if you are looking for any kind of help for your kids.  It is important to remember that the little kids have trouble with divorce, but so do the big one.  It is also important to remember that while you are busy coping from your own grief that your kids might need some help too. Books have a way of helping kids realize they aren't the only ones.  And if you get a chance, check out "We're Having A Tuesday" too, it has really great pages in the back that help start discussions with kids that you might not otherwise be able to.  All of these are worth a look.  I hope something here is just what you are looking for!

September 17, 2014
For Reading Out Loud!

I received an interesting problem question today.  I haven't received divorce questions for awhile.  So if you are interested go over to the ask DK page.  Meanwhile, Santa's (Zany, Wacky, Just Not Right!) Night Before Christmas is offering free shipping for a limited time, so go check it out at www.purplesantasuit.com.  Pre-orders are now!

And.........I just started a NEW project today.  It is what I hope grows into a great resource for all of those wanting to get inspired about reading to kids out loud.  Check it out at www.forreadingoutloud.com. 


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