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DK Says.......

February 24, 2009
Cut the cord already!!! When will he get out of my dang head??
So I've long ago been over my ex-husband.  He's just one of those things in my life that I just have to accept is in it......sort of like a mortgage payment.  I don't really like having to pay it every month, but I like living in my house.  My ex is the same.  Don't really like seeing him, but I like it when I get a break from my kids so it works.  But the ex boyfriend........well that is another story.  You see I spent 5 years in a long-distance relationship.  It probably wasn't the healthiest relationship on earth, but it was one I really enjoyed, and was probably addicted to.  It ended over two years ago.  I really think I'm over it.  At least most of the time I do, and then every now and again, something will happen to stir it all up again.  I ask myself, OMG, is this normal???  I'm supposed to know what I'm doing in such arenas.  So today, yes, Feb. 24th, I get a Valentine card in the mail from him.  Only it isn't a Valentine card, just a blank one that has dancers on the front (I love dancing) and a Valentine's message.  He asks if I would be his Valentine because he hasn't found one yet??? Okay, so my heart took a LEAP!  Then a nose-dive.  WHAT???  NOW???  WHY???  The tears started.........then the anger started.  Then I finally realized he must have been in a weak moment, and instead of doing what we women do, Drink and Dial, he had the silly idea to put it into writing.  I think I'm going to just ignore it.  Pretend I never got it..........and unless he reads this entry, I won't have to open up that can of worms.  It's over.  I'm okay with it being over.  And if he does read this..............well................if he's serious, he'll say so again, this time after getting on a plane! 

February 21, 2009
Managing schedules when you have shared parenting duty in joint custody of children
I am often asked how I handle all of the scheduling issues that come up in our shared parenting scenario. I know some go to great lengths to devise parenting plans which handles the big picture.  But what about the day to day schedules?  When you have kids that are starting to get older like mine, it isn't so easy to keep track of just nights they are at mine.  Now there are conferences, and open houses.  There are concerts and plays.  There are sleepovers and scout meetings.  There are practices and sporting events.  Many years ago I had dreamed of some kind of solution that would make it easier.  And for me, the day came a couple of years ago when I discovered the Google Calendar Tool.  And just last week when they made it available right on my email site, (maybe it was a little sooner than last week, but that's when I found out about it!) I was reminded at what a great tool this has been for my split family.  I set up a calendar called "Kids" and gave my ex access to read and update it.  Now we have a good relationship, so I know he's not going to just go taking my events off of it or anything.  But you could just give someone read access.  Now, in one place we both have access to be able to see what is going on in our kids' lives.  We can see that next Tuesday night is not a good night to go shopping for the school play costume because that is also the night they have swim team practice, and so on.  It also helps us when we agree on switching weekends or planning vacations.  It has been an amazing help of making sure everyone's calendars are in sync.  The really cool thing is that the google calendar also allows you to have multiple ones.  So I have the kids' calendar, I also have one for my personal life and for my writing and publishing business.  I can look at them all at once, or separately.  So it has been a great tool for managing schedules in this multi-taksing, joint custody world.  Try it!  It's free..... Just go to Google and google "google calendar" and you'll be off and running in no time.

February 20, 2009
Staying in the house my ex and I were married in for the week??

I'm fortunate that I have an ex I get along with most of the time.  But I do believe I'm going to be testing it out.  My family has had an emergency in my town, and I now am the only one that still lives here.  So they are descending from all across the country and there is a good chance my house is going to run out of room.  So the plan is if that happens, my kids and I are planning to go and stay with the ex.  Now for my kids, that's no big deal.  They stay there 3 nights every week anyway.  Or maybe it will be a big deal.  The last time their Mom and Dad shared more than birthday cake together was before they can remember, let alone a roof!  Perhaps he'll just let us be and go off with the girlfriend and stay at her house.  But even so........how strange is it going to be staying in a house that I haven't lived in for 10 years, but once loved and adored and even brought my children home from the hospital to.  Talk about going down memory lane..........anyone else ever do this one?

February 19, 2009
Keeping track of kids and their "modern" stuff between two houses
I remember being a kid and losing a hat, or a glove, or permission slip.  Seems like their was heck to pay if I didn't get the stuff "found" and in a big hurry.  Now fast forward to the year 2009.  My kids live between two houses.  They have double the stomping grounds and double the places where they can tuck away their lost "stuff".  To compound things their stuff has become modern and more valuable.  Didn't we just treck legos around?  Or maybe records or something?  Kids today have ipods, cell phones, or even laptops.  My kids saved their money for well over a year and finally got laptops.  That isn't something that fits into the backpack, yet they of course want them at both houses.  So  now I get to stop and make an extra trip to Dad's on switch day.  Just this past week my son had the drama of misplacing his ipod.  He saved up money and bought it himself, so he was quite traumatized that he couldn't find it.  Well, after three days of tearing my house apart, he finally went over to his Dad's and there is was plain and simple in the jacket pocket he'd last worn over there.  It's a lot to keep track of, and the consequences seem to be a lot greater than just leaving a record someplace.  Just makes me think we are really asking a lot these days when we ask our kids to be responsible...........we never had all that to think about.  Hmmm.

February 17, 2009
Spelling homework with divorced parents

We've all had them.  Spelling tests.  My son's are usually on Friday.  But last week due to the long weekend (they were out Friday and Monday) the teacher decided to move the spelling test to Tuesday.  My kids are usually at my house Tuesday through Saturday morning.  So I usually am the one that handles the homework. We weren't quite sure how to handle the words. Now I'm sure his Dad would have gladly helped, but we'd developed a system.  We know all of the little tricks that we have devised to help him remember.  So we took spelling lists to a ultra modern era.  We did them via phone and email.  First we did them verbally on the phone just like we usually do.  I gave the words, he verbally spelled them.  Once we were ready to move onto the written format, he called me, I gave the words, and he typed them up in an email sent it over and I checked.  Pretty cool.......and guess what, he came home happy that he got them all right today!  So our modern spelling techniques paid off!

February 16, 2009
If I could go back, would I marry him?
I've thought about this question often.  If I could go back and do it all over again, would I still marry him?  I of course put my kids out of the equation as I ponder this, because of course they were worth every minute of my marriage.  BUT, that said, I do believe that knowing what I know now, which mostly consists of actually knowing myself, no, I probably wouldn't.  So many people struggle with getting divorced.  It isn't fun.  It isn't pretty.  Yet in almost every other aspect of our life we understand that we grow and change.  We evolve.  We don't keep wearing cutsie little high school outfits when we are in our 30s, 40s, 50s, and so on.  We don't stay in an apartment that we are clearly outgrowing.  We don't stay in a job forever that is completely miserable that has mutated and become something different.  So with all of that in mind........if I went back in time with the knowledge that I have now, of course I wouldn't marry him.  But I also realize that I would not be the person I am today without having been through the experience of that marriage and recovering from that divorce.  So........being that I rather like who I am today and how far I've come.  Yes, I think I would marry him all over again.  He has provided me amazing clarity of what I do and don't want in my life, and for that I'm grateful!

February 15, 2009
My Best Single Valentine's Day Ever!
First let me say...if you've been wondering where I have been, I am soooo sorry!   I have been trapped under a desk of computer crash problems and blogging just had to take a back seat!  But I'm back!!!  And, I am happy to report that after 10 years of being divorced, some of those having a boyfriend of sorts and some not, I just had the best Valentine's Day as a single person, and maybe EVER!  You see, I decided that Valentine's Day falling on a Saturday night was probably not going to bode well for a single woman, sans boyfriend.  Even if I met someone incredible, what were the chances in the next two weeks he would be wanting to go out that night.  Around this same time I had this realization, I also came to the realization that I really miss cooking that fun romantic dinner. You know the one where you go all out, set out flowers and candles and the like.  Then....whammo!  I figured out that I don't have to have a sweetheart to do that.  So instead I decided to hold a Single's Valentine Dinner for about 6 of my single neighbor friends.  They were all so delighted and relieved to have something to do.  I went all out, making a full spaghetti and meatball dinner, complete with salad, yummy garlic bread, and a delicious from scratch chocolate cake with raspberry filling.  I even went and got pink and red balloons and decked out my house with candle light.  We drank wine, we had a great time.  There wasn't any man bashing.....just 7 ladies celebrating life, as it stands, in our glory, and thankful that we could wear our comfortable underwear for the night!


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