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DK Says.......

May 28, 2007
The Sun!
I hate it when that happens!  I hate it when something I've been annoyed with my ex for doing happens to me.  I have been a pretty strong advocate of watching my kids' skin in the sun.  I believe in exposing them to the sun in moderation.  However, if we're planning to be outside all day, I coat them with the sunscreen.  (As the summer wears on, they are exposed longer and longer without sunscreen, but always for an all day event, they're well drenched!)  So several times over the years my ex has got caught up in the moment and the kids have been burnt to a crisp.  Well this weekend I got caught doing "volunteer" duties at our grand pool opening.  Honestly, I didn't even know my son was in the pool.  After all, he wasn't supposed to be in there without me.  What I didn't know is that another parent agreed to keep an eye on all the "volunteer's" kids.  I know, that sounds really great.  Not only did I not slather the sunscreen on my kids, but I didn't even know they were swimming???  Well, I knew shortly after they'd hopped in.  But it didn't matter.  My routine had been broken, and I'd simply forgot all about sunscreen.  Well, my son found out the hard way. The sun still burns!!  It gave us a chance to try a product I'd bought for myself last summer...........Solar Recover's Save Your Skin.  The stuff is amazing.  Overnight, most of his burn was tan.  The second over night, the remaining that was really in bad shape was also tan.  No kicking and screaming, just mist it on and feel the coolness begin..........try it!  www.solarrecover.com  Anyway, luckily by the time the ex came, most of the damage was well on its way to recovery.  But man I hate it when I make those same mistakes he does.

May 24, 2007
Blessed Event??

Sometimes the most amazing things can come out of a divorce.  For instance one time years ago, my ex-husband was visiting his sister who was trying to get rid of her fish tank.  She cleverly asked my son who of course asked his Dad if he could have it.  This would all be fine, except for somehow Dad convinced son that the fish would be much better taken care of at my house.  Who am I to turn away a 4 year-old's request to keep a fish tank with goldfish???

So the goldfish won.  Mom lost, and most everyone was happy.  Eventually the goldfish died and I decided that if I'm going to put up with this tank, I'm going to have some "real" fish.  I attempted to learn a thing or two about fish.  My companion at the time helped out as best as he could.  (After all, what help can a man offer a child and a woman on a mission??)  We came away with a blue fish, an orange fish (I don't know what they were), two angel fish, and a shark.  A war began and the two angel fish and the blue fish survived.

This week, the blue fish had gone missing. We thought the angel fish finally won the war.  Last night, he mysteriously appeared, weakened from his battle, but fine.  This morning............we awoke to about 100 baby angel fish!  Who would have thought???  We don't know the first thing about raising baby angel fish.  Guess what?  My kids and I will be learning together.  Hmmmmm.

May 19, 2007
Ahhh. Freedom
It's taken awhile.  But I've really come to enjoy my time away from the kids.  It's Saturday morning and I can do whatever I want.  There's no, "Moooom, what are we having for breakfast?"  Don't get me wrong I enjoy those questions.  But it sure is nice when I have a whole day to myself as well.  I can do whatever whenever I want to.  Sometimes I suspect that I'm a much better mom because of these downtimes.  I get to spend time focusing on me.  This morning, I went out on my back patio, in my pajamas no less, to just sit with a cup of tea and enjoy the sun and the sounds of the birds.  If that isn't freedom, I don't know what is.

May 17, 2007
What has happened to honesty?

I was in a car accident the other day.  Luckily my kids weren't with me and it was barely a bump.  I was thinking that maybe I should roll up the window so my puppy didn't leap out "if I got in an accident."  At the next stoplight, I turn around to make sure puppy's head didn't get caught.  As I began to face front, the car in front of me started to go.  I, a little behind what was going on also started to go.  Unfortunately, the light was still red.  The lady in front of me stopped.  I didn't.  Here comes the "accident", crunch. 

All was well.  No damage to my car, a couple of broken tail-lights.  I doubt I was going more than 5 miles per hour.  Nobody was hurt.  Police Officer verified all was well, but still issues me a careless driving ticket.  The lady is all smiles and insists every thing is fine, "no harm done it's just a couple of tail lights".  I go home and my insurance agent advises me to call her and see if I can just pay her for the lights since I have not had a driving claim in almost 20 years.  (This is 30 minutes after the big crunch).

I call.  I get the husband.  I ask to speak with her and suggest that I just pay for it.  Ummmm.  What happened next surprised me.  "Ohhhh noooo,  I couldn't do that.  My neck is really bothering me, and there is damage to the HOOD of my car that will need to be corrected."  HOOD??????  How could my tap damage her hood.  Makes me suspicious about a neck ache in 30 minutues too.  When I was in a much more major accident last fall, my neck began to hurt (for weeks) but not until the next day.  Evidently the two decided cooking up some insurance claim was in their best interest.  Oh my!  What have we come too.  I don't know how far she'll get.  They have a fraud department and a low impact team checking her claims. All I know, is a little honesty would have probably got her a long way........

May 16, 2007
It seems like just because we Mom's are divorced that somehow the "supermom" doesn't go out the window.  If anything it maybe gets even worse.  Now we feel guilty because our kids aren't with us all the time, so we try to be even more super when they are with us.  It's taken me a long time to figure this out.  I am NO good to anyone, including my kids if I don't take care of myself first.  Think about the airplane lecture.  They always tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before helping your kids.  There is a reason for that.  If you don't take care of yourself first, you are no good to that child.  So go!  Close up this computer.  Go take a walk.  Smell the roses.  Run a bubble bath.  Paint a water color.  Read a summer novel.  Get a pedicure.  Invite a friend over for tea.  Play that music you love.  Do something for yourself!  Today!

May 13, 2007
Mother's Day in a Split
Ahhhh.  Gone are the days when Mother's Day was a family event.  I remember when we used to always barbeque, go to a park and take loads of pictures and really have a great time.  There were always homemade gifts and even the special ones my ex would pick out.  Now it's more of a Mom takes herself and kids out to breakfast and my kids present me with something that their Dad picked out (usually a gift card), and the photos are hard to come by.  It doesn't matter though.  It's still a wonderful day where I get to stop and take note of how far I've come, how wonderful my kids are, and how blessed we are as a family.  I still get the homemade gifts.  The fact that my ex takes them to get anything at all is wonderful.  I hope that all families encourage their kids to buy for their parents special holidays even if it means spending money on the ex.  It's good for them to learn that we can put our differences aside and treat our former spouses with respect.  It also teaches kids about giving, which is always a good lesson.  Just food for thought I guess.  Happy Mother's Day.

May 11, 2007
Spring has sprung
Oh my goodness is the year flying by.  I can't believe we are full fledged spring already.  That of course means all kinds of things in the split family living world.  School is almost out and we need to start planning our summer schedules.  It seems like the routines are thrown out the window once school is out.  Suddenly we are swapping this weekend for that and trying to balance two families' activities, camping trips, family reunions and weddings, vacations, and lets not forget all of those swim meets (baseball games or whatever!).  All I can say is that when you are doing the parent swap, summer requires extra patience and flexibility.  If you can manage to remember that all of the switching and swapping benefits your kids, your kids will be happy, and you will have a great summer!

May 9, 2007
One Year Will Make a Difference
A friend of a friend of mine is just going through a divorce.  My friend of course is talking to me because she is feeling that helpless feeling one does when a friend goes through something so heart wrenching.  I was reminded of something I have told several people over the years.  One year will make a big difference.  When you are sitting in the middle of it, the tears flowing, the heart aching, it doesn't seem like anything will get better.  I assure you, if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, the sobbing slows, the tears dry, and a year later you look back and realize you made it through.  That's not to say you might not still have moments, but for the most part you've made it through the storm, and somehow you've begun building a new life for yourself and for your kids.  One year.........it is amazing what that can do.

May 8, 2007
The Importance of a Sibling

I never really had a chance to think about the affect of a sibling bond after a divorce.  Apparently it is a strong one.  Just this week my 6th grade daughter went off to a week-long school camp in the mountains.  Tucked safely in the car was my 4th grade son, barely keeping it together.  With streams of tears rolling down his face, he replied, "I don't want her to go," when I asked what was wrong.  She'd given him a very big reassuring hug as she went off to join her weeklong companions. Other parents had siblings that seemed to be thrilled that they were going to be the only one getting attention this week.  Not mine.  He was absolutely devastated that his sister would be gone.

I suppose though, that they are each other's constant.  They neither one see their Mother or Father every day of their life.  But they do see each other.  If something is going wrong at home, they can't just go talk to their other parent.  Instead, they just turn to each other.  In fact, one night my son had a sick stomach.  He didn't really want to go wake his Dad, whose girlfriend was staying the night), so he just went and got his sister instead.  On a normal day they have that sibling rivalry just like every other kid.  They fight, squabble, irritate, and annoy, just like you think they would.  But obviously deep down their relationship is very deep.  I suppose it has to be, because, after all, they don't have their Mom every day.  I'm glad for them.  I really am.





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