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DK Simoneau often receives questions on how to handle situations.  She addresses readers questions about shared custody, parenting, and split family living situations.  To submit a question, please use the form below.

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April 2, 2008
Should I let my boyfriend sleep over with my kids at home?


DK- I have been divorced for two years now, and I've met someone new.  He's a great guy and I've introduced him to the kids.  I'm feeling comfortable enough to have him spend the night, but am wondering if that is okay to do with the kids around.  My kids are 5 and 7.  Should I let my boyfriend spend the night with my kids at home?  Perplexed grownup.

Perplexed- I think the fact that you are even asking the question tells me that in your heart of hearts you know it isn't the greatest idea.  You don't say this, but I am making the assumption that your kids are involved in some kind of shared custody arrangement.  That being the case, I ask you, is there some reason why you can't have your adult sleepovers when the kids aren't home?  I once had a boyfriend that shared an experience of how he had a strictly platonic friendship with a woman who had a little girl.  One night the three of them were watching movies, and the mother went to bed. That left the gentleman and the little girl to finish the movie.  The little girl said to him, "I like you because you don't sleep with my mom."  That was all it took for him to think twice about ever spending the night in front of any kids.  He always told me that as their mother, they want to respect you.  I always say when it comes from the mouth of babes we should listen.  Your kids understand more than you think they do, and they are exposed to plenty without us flaunting it in front of them.  I think in the long run you will all respect each other better if you keep the sleep overs out of sight from the kids.  Good


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